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Courting the Muses

~ Writings of Elizabeth A. Katz

Courting the Muses

Monthly Archives: March 2015

An essay on letting go

22 Sunday Mar 2015

Posted by lizscribe24 in Uncategorized

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letting go

Last week, I travelled down to lovely Orlando to see my very good friend Linda and her partner, Pam. Florida was hot, sunny, humid and just perfect for getting out of Michigan’s cold, drab winter. It was great catching up with Linda and seeing her new home. She had had enough of Michigan’s brutal winter last year and wisely moved away.

Linda and me in her backyard

Linda and me in her backyard

Taking a break was cause for celebration. And yet, I felt anxiety about leaving everything behind – my routine that is, things I “need” to worry about, things I technically should get done, leaving the house I should be cleaning.

There’s a lot of “shoulds” in my life.

It seems that I schedule something for every moment of my day, from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed. I work full-time while working part-time on a master’s degree. It’s a full load and when I’m in the middle of my semester, it’s like I put my blinders on, hunker down and put a laser focus on work and homework … and not much else.

After a while, this becomes tiring and the routine actually becomes addictive – having every moment of your day accounted for. I regularly watch the clock to see where I am in my day and what I’ve accomplished … and what I still need to do.

It was actually hard for me to let go of that routine and allow myself to have fun. I kept telling myself “Let go. Let go. Let go.”

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Oops, I did it again: On making mistakes and being a perfectionist

15 Sunday Mar 2015

Posted by lizscribe24 in Uncategorized

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making mistakes, perfectionism

“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”  — American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron from her book, “Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times”

Last week, I was feeling a little bit hangdog for making what I perceive as a blunder due to lack of communication. I’m in the communications field, for Heaven’s sake. Communicate, dammit! That’s what I’m telling myself right now.

I was feeling uneasy about myself, ashamed that a mistake took place, worried about the repercussions.

My sponsor Margo says that worrying about things is a way we feel we control them. And boy, do I love to control things!

One way I control things is trying to be a perfectionist. I try to control people, situational outcomes and the way people perceive me. One tiny flaw and the world is going all to hell!

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Aggressive. Assertive. What’s the diff?

01 Sunday Mar 2015

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aggressive, assertive, Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, nice girl

“Well behaved women seldom make history” – Book title by Harvard historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

So what does that mean for well-behaved women, such as myself?

I’ve been pondering the concepts of being well behaved (read: non-assertive).

My mother raised me to be well behaved. A good girl. Someone who doesn’t rock the boat. Someone who goes with the status quo. Someone who avoids conflict like the plague.

I’ve also been thinking lately about the notions of assertiveness and aggression. It’s helpful to consult Merriam-Webster to parse out the meaning of both words:

Aggressive: ready and willing to fight, argue, etc. : feeling or showing aggression: using forceful methods to succeed or to do something

Assertive:  disposed to or characterized by bold or confident statements and behavior

When you’ve been raised to be a good, well-behaved girl, one who doesn’t show her anger and irritation towards others, it leaves you in a quandary on how to be assertive without, say, coming out of the gate like a rabid pit bull, ready to rip someone’s head off should they tread on your boundaries.

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Blogs I Follow

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Patience Bloom

Tales and tips from a writer and book editor

Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog is a digital youth culture magazine dedicated to your stories and ideas.

wordfromthewell

Wake up.

The Pema Chodron Foundation

Writings of Elizabeth A. Katz

zen habits

Writings of Elizabeth A. Katz

Debra Darvick

Writings of Elizabeth A. Katz

The Pioneer Woman

Plowing through Life in the Country...One Calf Nut at a Time

Lynne Cobb

Mid-life Random Ramblings...

Vivian DeGain Better at 50 Blog

Columnist and arts writer

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